i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you will always have a special place in my vag
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
