things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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