the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
