She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish I could teleport
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
