How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
whose parrot is this?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
