More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
