Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
