after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
