I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
