She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
