So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Congratulations! We have a period
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