Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
