Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Found the puke drawer
It's blow job season.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
