Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
