Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
