the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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