is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
