I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
