I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't notice because vodka
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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