there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
