Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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