she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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