I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
