Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
