12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
