you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just pee around me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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