to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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