The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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