watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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