I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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