It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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