Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
