I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Soap is not a condiment
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
