So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You've changed since you got that strap on
I had to cum in my sink.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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