May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
