i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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