I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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