Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
