I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
