for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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