So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
