Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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