I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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