remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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