I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
