someone threw a dead crab at me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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