Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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