My boss' voice literally gives me gas
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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