I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want a musical about memes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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