so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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