Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
