I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
