1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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