I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
