go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
