Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
