I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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