p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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