I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
