The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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