How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
