Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
