Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
