im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
