Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
