Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
