take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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