I wish I could punch you in the face.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
