his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
