I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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