his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
