Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
