Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
